An evening with Michael Hunt – Volume 2. Not-so-Free Parties.

Hi there, Michael Hunt here. Growing up in Plymouth during my teenage years meant that there was not a lot to do for most people. Whilst I was inside on a Saturday night revising for my Business and Politics A-Levels, my peers were going to house parties, drinking Blackthorn Cider and fingering the younger years. I chose not to partake in this behaviour, as I felt that if a girl is still required by law to be doing core Physical Education, then they are not ripe enough to be engaging finger action with them. But when house parties became mundane, Blackthorn became sickly, and the same 4 girls had been passed around more than an N-Dubz song via Bluetooth circa 2008, my peers wanted more. This is when they started to discover free parties.

The location for each free party changes on a weekly basis. A secret number is shared between those in the know, which when rung at a specific time, the voicemail will give directions as to which damp field 3 counties away the party-goers have to travel to. Free parties consist of a range of delinquents, with many middle-aged men with dreadlocks and a bag of Heroin, trying to relive the 90’s, which is deluded. There were also a boatload of Shannon’s, Katie’s and Courtney’s snorting Ketamine in the back of a Fiat Punto, belonging to a drug dealer who isn’t quite old enough to be their dad, but old enough to believably be their dads’ mate. The foundations of how these parties work was that a group of criminals would bring along lots of big speakers, to create a wall of badly crafted “bass bins” (I still know the lingo,) and then play a wide array of music, ranging from fast to very fast songs. The parties are fuelled by alcohol and drugs, both of which are very easily accessible. Free parties are to drug dealers what job fairs are to potential employers; full of potential. There is also a drug known as Nos which gravitates around the free party scene, which is literally the laughing gas from an NHS hospital, usually stolen by a collective of pikey’s and sold in quantities of balloons. Clowns they may be, but these freak shows can gather large crowds of people on any given weekend, often leaving some beautiful country areas in north Somerset desolate, scattered with balloons and small white plastic bags, and bottles of Buckfast Tonic Wine as far as the eye can see.

This needs to change, and Michael Hunt as the answer.

First things first, free parties need a name change. The bottom line is, they aren’t free. They cost money in terms of petrol, whatever alcohol people consume, the cost of Nos and other drugs. So to paint a picture in your head as to the idea of where I wish to take free party culture, I propose that they should from now on be known as Tax Parties.

The idea behind Tax parties is that everything becomes regulated. The biggest issue for me is the fact that people are stealing these Nos canisters from hospitals in order to make profit. I would ensure that at these Tax Parties, local hospitals have the opportunity to sell their own Nos. They are predominantly used for pain relief anyway, so the loss of Nos from any given hospital can be replaced by Paracetamol. The money raised from selling this Nos can then go on to help fund these hospitals, as most of the money will now go to them. This model can also be used with medical grade Ketamine, also commonly found in these hospitals. This also means that drugs can at the very least be regulated, and therefore taxed, in order to benefit both the consumer and the state.

Considering that these are Tax Parties, there will be a venue tax of 15% for any public area used, and if these parties are to happen on Private land, then the owner of that land will be forced to pay the 15% tax. This will go towards the prevention of death at these events, as many people have overdosed at free parties previously. We hope that new regulations will help to prevent such tragedies.

I am aware that in any system, you need to account for anomalies and rule-breakers. Since there will be people attempting to sell unregulated produce at these events, I propose that community service will require these individuals to clean up the mess that these parties often leave. It means that this responsibility no longer falls to the state or local government and councils to deal with this mess, meaning that their street cleaners can stick to cleaning streets.

This policy aims to take drugs off of the streets, and move them to a field near Bristol. I hope that this policy reflects well with potential voters, as I feel it provides a solution to one of the biggest problems in the south west of the UK.

Vote Michael Hunt.